Damn

I always pretend that I'm alright. I make jokes and laugh
my guts out just to show you guys that I'm okay.
Truthfully, I'm not. I'm sick. I'm sad and I'm frustrated.

Just last night I had the worst dream of my life. I woke up
panting and crying, trying to pull myself back to reality.

I dreamt that my dad was dying. The setting was in our old house
in La Loma. In their old room, his bed was there and there were
all sorts of wires connected to his head and his chest. At that time,
I knew what was happening, it's as if the events were all fastforwarded
and I knew that he was dying. I saw him then, he was pale and
thin, just like how his sister looked like when she was still in the hospital.
I talked to him. He told me that he knew that the guy I was with last
night is my boyfriend. Weird though, in that dream I have a boyfriend.
Anyway, I told him that he should get some rest. He replied
"See you in the morning." Then he kissed my forehead.
Deep down I knew, I'm not gonna see him ever.

That's when I woke up. I didn't know what triggered that dream.
I wasn't even thinking about my dad. I just told one person about this
dream and I didn't know why. Why him? Was I expecting that
he would do something that would comfort me? Hell. I don't even
know what his plans are. I don't even know if he feels anything
towards me. He just told me that it was just a dream, nothing else and
most dreams are the opposite of whats going to happen.

My mom arrived later this day. She went to a psychic named
Mariano something. I though my day was going to turn out
fine, but my brother told something to my dad. "Pa, sabi nung
manghuhula magpacheck na daw kayo kasi may complication
daw sa puso niyo." My mom added, "sabi nga magiging single
na daw ako kapag hindi ka pa ngpacheck."
My dad just laughed, why won't he take them seriously? :(
I can't share my dream to him, I don't have the guts to tell him that.
So please Lord, help him. :(

Premonition? Coincidence?
I can't think right right now. I hate this day.
I need you. :(